In a previous article, I wrote of how I personally witnessed in the life of my Cocker Spaniel, a determination to create an environment conducive to his desires as a canine. He lived life on his own terms and for the better.
So what does it mean to "live life on your own terms"? This is what I take from it, although their exist many perspectives on this catch-phrase.
Living life on your own terms involves determining what it is that you want from life, examining your ability to achieve those goals given your environment and the willingness to modify or change direction when necessary, even in the face of adversity in order to create the life that you want.
Much of this creation comes from within, and I'll get into this in later posts. Have you ever noticed that there are some people who seem to fundamentally handle the conditions of their life regardless of the situation, better than others? I believe they do so because they have a certain amount of independence, that while bending, are rarely broken. They adapt to situations more readily than the majority of us and when faced with obstacles, find a way around them or use them as an opportunity for change.
This willingness to face life, with its many challenges and not lose faith in the fundamental belief in their right to be content and to live life in a fulfilling manner, sets them apart. They are not manipulated by their environment or conditions thereof, but instead chose their own path, even in the face of adversity.
Owing to this, they often suffer direct or indirect ridicule; however, they remain undeterred. It seems as though they have a natural instinct for survival on their own terms. They therefore choose a direction that while possibly laden with obstacles, offers the best opportunity for happiness on their own terms.
Time and time again, the end result of their choices is one they can live with
and these choices won't always make them popular or be the best in the eyes of the public. They don't ignore public opinion, but choose their own paths to happiness in light of it.
Those who live life on their own terms often go unnoticed, but they are with us in all facets of our society from the poor and downtrodden to the very rich. Regardless of their station in life, they seem to take more from their environment and they intentionally structure it for their well-being.
When they fall they get up, use adversity as an opportunity and are characteristically optimistic, even when they get down. Most, although not all, have a belief in something greater than themselves and are well served by gratitude for what they have, even unspoken.
These are the purveyors of lives sustained and nurtured by their inherent instincts and the willingness to often buck the trend. They will often take heed of prevailing attitudes, but in the end, make choices that fit their desires. The quality of life is an essential to their happiness; in doing so, they create their lives from within.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Extending Ourselves to Others
Giving of one's self is a cherished moment. Not only does it benefit us in both mental and physical terms but it lowers our stress level, increases the release of endorphins(Pleasure producing hormones in our system) and gives us a much more meaningful state of well being and therefore happiness.
Giving need not involve setting aside blocks of time, such as volunteering, although that's important. Sometimes you want to volunteer or get involved in activities and you really want to help someone, but stress, health and financial problems keep clogging your mind with unpleasant images. This stress causes you to move away from extending yourself to others and you become more self-centered, mainly from the stress of just getting by.
Extending yourself can involve a personal commitment, regardless of circumstances to do the little things that add up and improve your mental imagery about your circumstances.
Put food out for the stray cat on the block, pet your canine friends often and realize their contribution to your mental health, yes, within reason go beyond your first instinct and give to the needy person, even if you think they're panhandlers. No one would ever blame you for generosity and your innards will weigh in on this matter in a positive way that will be uplifting, if only for a moment. Do something that is gratifying to someone else, often, however small.
Let the person in line at the store with all the packages go before you, Move aside for Seniors, offer to assist a Senior, open up a spot during a bottleneck in traffic so someone else can enter or exit, pick up trash that blows around yours and your neighbor's home. Maneuver in traffic so someone else can have the advantage.
Think less of your problems and more about your blessings. Extending yourself to others means that you have the time and compassion within. As you do that, more will come to you, often disguised; nevertheless it will happen.
Emerge your being in the self that you want to be. Moderate your stress with small moves that give large returns. Allow yourself the leisure of learning to live well
under difficult circumstances. Manage your life by extending a part of it beyond your being and into others. The gift of giving has tremendous emotional rewards. Start reaping them.
Giving need not involve setting aside blocks of time, such as volunteering, although that's important. Sometimes you want to volunteer or get involved in activities and you really want to help someone, but stress, health and financial problems keep clogging your mind with unpleasant images. This stress causes you to move away from extending yourself to others and you become more self-centered, mainly from the stress of just getting by.
Extending yourself can involve a personal commitment, regardless of circumstances to do the little things that add up and improve your mental imagery about your circumstances.
Put food out for the stray cat on the block, pet your canine friends often and realize their contribution to your mental health, yes, within reason go beyond your first instinct and give to the needy person, even if you think they're panhandlers. No one would ever blame you for generosity and your innards will weigh in on this matter in a positive way that will be uplifting, if only for a moment. Do something that is gratifying to someone else, often, however small.
Let the person in line at the store with all the packages go before you, Move aside for Seniors, offer to assist a Senior, open up a spot during a bottleneck in traffic so someone else can enter or exit, pick up trash that blows around yours and your neighbor's home. Maneuver in traffic so someone else can have the advantage.
Think less of your problems and more about your blessings. Extending yourself to others means that you have the time and compassion within. As you do that, more will come to you, often disguised; nevertheless it will happen.
Emerge your being in the self that you want to be. Moderate your stress with small moves that give large returns. Allow yourself the leisure of learning to live well
under difficult circumstances. Manage your life by extending a part of it beyond your being and into others. The gift of giving has tremendous emotional rewards. Start reaping them.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Imagined Self Within the Reality of Now
When you were a kid, do you remember always wanting to be a grown-up or to have some more 'responsibility' other than being a kid? Then, it was fun. Not so as you grow, but when you were young you looked upon that alter 'self' as a place of intrigue. That intrigue moved you to create all types of scenarios and your mind took you there with ease.
MAYBE YOU PICTURED YOURSELF AS A FIREMAN, A DOCTOR, A LAWYER, A TEACHER OR ANY NUMBER OF INTRIGUING ROLES. YOU WERE YOUNG AND THE YOU NEEDED TO MOVE INTO THE REALM OF FANTASY TO ESCAPE THE REALITY OF JUST BEING A KID.
YOU WANTED TO MOVE BEYOND THE ORDINARY REALM OF YOUTH INTO A MORE RESPONSIBLE AND PERHAPS, AN 'ADMIRED' ROLE AS AN ADULT. THAT'S WHY YOU COULD BE YOURSELF AS THE ASTRONAUT OR THE WORLD CLASS SKIER, OR MAYBE THE SCIENTIST WHO FINDS A CURE FOR A DREADED DISEASE. POINT BEING, YOU CREATED AT THAT TIME AND THAT CREATION ALLOWED YOU TO MAKE OF a WORLD that EXISTED AS YOU WERE GROWING.
THAT FANTASY MOVED YOU FROM THE ORDINARY TO THE REALM OF THE 'IMAGINED', AND YET WHEN YOU CAME BACK DOWN TO EARTH, YOU WERE STILL A KID, WHO HAD TO EXIST IN THE REALITY OF BODY THAT WAS GROWING. LET'S GO BACK TO THAT TIME, BUT THIS TIME, PICTURE YOURSELF AS ADULT WHO NEEDS TO Regain SOME OF THAT ILLUSORY IMAGINATIVE SKILLS.
When I write of the imagined self, I'm writing about the altered self which exist in our imaginations. That self carries the traits of the person we would most like to be and it also carries the responsibility and the possibility of a new face put on our worn perspective.
WE CREATE, THROUGH THE USE OF IMAGINATION, A NEW SELF. THAT SELF CAN BE A CEO , FIREFIGHTER, TEACHER, HOCKEY PLAYER OR any NUMBER OF PROFESSIONS THAT WE ADMIRE. THAT SELF CAN BE RICH, THAT SELF CAN BE AN ORDINARY JOE WHO DESPITE AND ORDINARY INCOME LIVES IN A WORLD OF HAPPINESS, THAT SELF CAN BE CONTENT REGARDLESS OF LIFE'S ADVERSITIES AND THAT SELF CAN BE ANYTHING THAT WE WANT IT TO BE. IT'S OURS ALONE TO CREATE AND WE TAKE THE VISION AND RUN WITH IT.
Let's do that again as adults, but this time, let's make believe that its for real. I want you to imagine yourself as NFL football player, or maybe a CEO of a company or even a lawyer. maybe an architect entrusted with creating a grand design. And then I want you to imagine yourself as doing this with a great responsibility weighing on your back.
You're an adult in this vision and your actions have consequences. So you want the consequences to move you forward and create a meaningful life from within, even if it appears or exist in duality with recognition , wealth or gratification on a personal; level.
The you that you create operates every day as though the most important aspect in life was to to achieve a level of gratification from life. Note that this vision can move more beyond mere physical or monetary gratification. You want the picture to be complete and so you want your vision of whom you want to become, or the the role to which you aspire to be complete. To do this, you must ultimately be happy.
Your day to day activities will have an underpinning of that move, that theme, that drive that moves you towards happiness and you do it all while you scrub floors as the night janitor, or work at the carry-out, or the fast food store. You do it with the 'imagined self' that exist within and takes over in the real world.
You are no longer the peon, but a mover in your world. You do this in the recognition that your imagined world can become reality with faith, gratitude and perseverance.
Let's talk next about "possibility and how it fits into the equation.
MAYBE YOU PICTURED YOURSELF AS A FIREMAN, A DOCTOR, A LAWYER, A TEACHER OR ANY NUMBER OF INTRIGUING ROLES. YOU WERE YOUNG AND THE YOU NEEDED TO MOVE INTO THE REALM OF FANTASY TO ESCAPE THE REALITY OF JUST BEING A KID.
YOU WANTED TO MOVE BEYOND THE ORDINARY REALM OF YOUTH INTO A MORE RESPONSIBLE AND PERHAPS, AN 'ADMIRED' ROLE AS AN ADULT. THAT'S WHY YOU COULD BE YOURSELF AS THE ASTRONAUT OR THE WORLD CLASS SKIER, OR MAYBE THE SCIENTIST WHO FINDS A CURE FOR A DREADED DISEASE. POINT BEING, YOU CREATED AT THAT TIME AND THAT CREATION ALLOWED YOU TO MAKE OF a WORLD that EXISTED AS YOU WERE GROWING.
THAT FANTASY MOVED YOU FROM THE ORDINARY TO THE REALM OF THE 'IMAGINED', AND YET WHEN YOU CAME BACK DOWN TO EARTH, YOU WERE STILL A KID, WHO HAD TO EXIST IN THE REALITY OF BODY THAT WAS GROWING. LET'S GO BACK TO THAT TIME, BUT THIS TIME, PICTURE YOURSELF AS ADULT WHO NEEDS TO Regain SOME OF THAT ILLUSORY IMAGINATIVE SKILLS.
When I write of the imagined self, I'm writing about the altered self which exist in our imaginations. That self carries the traits of the person we would most like to be and it also carries the responsibility and the possibility of a new face put on our worn perspective.
WE CREATE, THROUGH THE USE OF IMAGINATION, A NEW SELF. THAT SELF CAN BE A CEO , FIREFIGHTER, TEACHER, HOCKEY PLAYER OR any NUMBER OF PROFESSIONS THAT WE ADMIRE. THAT SELF CAN BE RICH, THAT SELF CAN BE AN ORDINARY JOE WHO DESPITE AND ORDINARY INCOME LIVES IN A WORLD OF HAPPINESS, THAT SELF CAN BE CONTENT REGARDLESS OF LIFE'S ADVERSITIES AND THAT SELF CAN BE ANYTHING THAT WE WANT IT TO BE. IT'S OURS ALONE TO CREATE AND WE TAKE THE VISION AND RUN WITH IT.
Let's do that again as adults, but this time, let's make believe that its for real. I want you to imagine yourself as NFL football player, or maybe a CEO of a company or even a lawyer. maybe an architect entrusted with creating a grand design. And then I want you to imagine yourself as doing this with a great responsibility weighing on your back.
You're an adult in this vision and your actions have consequences. So you want the consequences to move you forward and create a meaningful life from within, even if it appears or exist in duality with recognition , wealth or gratification on a personal; level.
The you that you create operates every day as though the most important aspect in life was to to achieve a level of gratification from life. Note that this vision can move more beyond mere physical or monetary gratification. You want the picture to be complete and so you want your vision of whom you want to become, or the the role to which you aspire to be complete. To do this, you must ultimately be happy.
Your day to day activities will have an underpinning of that move, that theme, that drive that moves you towards happiness and you do it all while you scrub floors as the night janitor, or work at the carry-out, or the fast food store. You do it with the 'imagined self' that exist within and takes over in the real world.
You are no longer the peon, but a mover in your world. You do this in the recognition that your imagined world can become reality with faith, gratitude and perseverance.
Let's talk next about "possibility and how it fits into the equation.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Life On Your Own Terms: A lesson from a Canine Friend
A number of years ago I had the idea of writing down some of the ideas that popped into my mind on a daily basis. I was constantly confronted with unhappy miserable people who seemed to view life as nothing but a struggle. Even surrounding myself as much as possible with forward thinking and positive individuals didn't seem to keep away the negative vibes of unhappy people. They were everywhere. I dismissed the idea of writing my positive ideas down and I soon found that was a critical mistake.What was happening around me was affecting me more than I realized.
Sometimes the negativity made me mad, other times I just dismissed it and attempted to hold on to a positive outlook, but this alone proved insufficient over time. At some point my unusual optimism began to fade, and I, like the unhappy ones, began to drift into some of the same patterns of isolation, loneliness and unhappiness.
Each day, no longer held the promise of a new sunrise, new optimism for the future, a new idea. I was caught in a holding pattern where life was fastly becoming a burden, rather than a joy. The same ways of those miserable others were infiltrating my psyche and behold, I was becoming one of them.
Then one day, not too far in that progression, I began to realize the inward hostility that had gradually come upon my life and it scared me. Somewhere along the way, I had briefly forgotten the happy person that awakened each morning, full of optimism and not crippled by the spiritless domain of negativity. I knew that I had let myself get off track and that I was responsible for getting back to my true self-which
lived in a world of possibility.
Fortunately, it didn't' take me long, and today I realize that I have been blessed with an ability to quickly rebound from adversity and sorrow. I am about that process now.
Recently, my soul mate and I have dealt with the loss of our second canine friend,
In November 2007, my best friend in the canine world was overwhelmed by a malignant tumor on his spine, a condition which began a rapid deterioration. With the assistance of a dear friend and professor of Veterinary medicine, along with a second faculty member, "Cody" my black lab was put to sleep, near a burning hearth on our patio on a nice November day.
At this writing, eleven months after, our precious buddy "Reiider" a beautiful Cocker Spaniel has also suffered the effects of a fast growing cancer. After a last camping trip and at the terminal stages of his life, we once again did for Reiider as we did for Cody. As I write this I go in and out of my grief as does my partner.Yet, there is something that I see plainly and it has taught me more by a canine than any life experience.
"Reiider" lived his life on his own terms. A canine of strong, but determined will, Nurtured by love and ever adventurous, he spent his life on a never ending tract of inquiry and limitless possibility. He was the most forward thinking pooch we have ever known.
Each day brought new adventure for our little Cocker and he went about life on his own terms, preferring to accept or reject parental limitations that we put on our canine friends. He simply let you believe that he was listening to us, when in reality he was awaiting the opportunity to do as he saw fit, run his course on his own terms. Naturally, he let you believe that your scolding or disapproval had some influence on him, but it really didn't. That was okay with him, as long as we were happy.
In a canine state of intelligence, his gift was an amazing ability to see his world in terms of possibility and to participate in its fullness without bounds, His limitless nature was often an inspiration to us. In his life and during his illness, he was a "soldier" choosing the rebound from any mishap over pity.
His lesson was profound. In difficult times,we hold dear to it. In our grief we have found comfort in his gift and in his memory.
Sometimes the negativity made me mad, other times I just dismissed it and attempted to hold on to a positive outlook, but this alone proved insufficient over time. At some point my unusual optimism began to fade, and I, like the unhappy ones, began to drift into some of the same patterns of isolation, loneliness and unhappiness.
Each day, no longer held the promise of a new sunrise, new optimism for the future, a new idea. I was caught in a holding pattern where life was fastly becoming a burden, rather than a joy. The same ways of those miserable others were infiltrating my psyche and behold, I was becoming one of them.
Then one day, not too far in that progression, I began to realize the inward hostility that had gradually come upon my life and it scared me. Somewhere along the way, I had briefly forgotten the happy person that awakened each morning, full of optimism and not crippled by the spiritless domain of negativity. I knew that I had let myself get off track and that I was responsible for getting back to my true self-which
lived in a world of possibility.
Fortunately, it didn't' take me long, and today I realize that I have been blessed with an ability to quickly rebound from adversity and sorrow. I am about that process now.
Recently, my soul mate and I have dealt with the loss of our second canine friend,
In November 2007, my best friend in the canine world was overwhelmed by a malignant tumor on his spine, a condition which began a rapid deterioration. With the assistance of a dear friend and professor of Veterinary medicine, along with a second faculty member, "Cody" my black lab was put to sleep, near a burning hearth on our patio on a nice November day.
At this writing, eleven months after, our precious buddy "Reiider" a beautiful Cocker Spaniel has also suffered the effects of a fast growing cancer. After a last camping trip and at the terminal stages of his life, we once again did for Reiider as we did for Cody. As I write this I go in and out of my grief as does my partner.Yet, there is something that I see plainly and it has taught me more by a canine than any life experience.
"Reiider" lived his life on his own terms. A canine of strong, but determined will, Nurtured by love and ever adventurous, he spent his life on a never ending tract of inquiry and limitless possibility. He was the most forward thinking pooch we have ever known.
Each day brought new adventure for our little Cocker and he went about life on his own terms, preferring to accept or reject parental limitations that we put on our canine friends. He simply let you believe that he was listening to us, when in reality he was awaiting the opportunity to do as he saw fit, run his course on his own terms. Naturally, he let you believe that your scolding or disapproval had some influence on him, but it really didn't. That was okay with him, as long as we were happy.
In a canine state of intelligence, his gift was an amazing ability to see his world in terms of possibility and to participate in its fullness without bounds, His limitless nature was often an inspiration to us. In his life and during his illness, he was a "soldier" choosing the rebound from any mishap over pity.
His lesson was profound. In difficult times,we hold dear to it. In our grief we have found comfort in his gift and in his memory.
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